Pride Rears Its Ugly Head Again

I don't know how I manage it. I mean you would think that someone who doesn't have a full-time job by the age of 28, is totally out of shape, and has little to no social life couldn't have anything to be prideful about, but it still manages to surprise me when it pops up.

I spent last week in Colorado. It was a major kick in the butt - both physically and spiritually. Every day I think I had a little (and sometimes big) battle with pride. Why is it so hard to put me aside? I am not that great, so it should be easier, shouldn't it?

I wanted to be a great example to the students, I love outdoorsy stuff. I feel like it is my element, I pride myself on being able to climb mountains, carry a canoe, rock climb and camp. But somehow, everything I tried to do, I failed at - even the simple stuff. It really annoyed me. I wanted to do better, not so much for them, I realized, but for me. Laying in the bottom of the cave, I realized it wasn't about me, that I could be an example without successfully navigating the bottomless pit. I think leadership is one of the places that you can quickly see how selfish you are.

I think I needed to fail, yet again, just to realize that I can't do the things that I have always depended on being able to do. I think the best way to get me to listen was for God to let me just miserably fail at every possible athletic attempt. I completely realize that I am out-of-shape, but even the things that didn't require anything but not being stupid, I failed at.

So, why after all the failures and rejections can I still be prideful? How can that be possible?

I ate my weight in wings

I knew I would regret the decision, but they were really good, and the boys just kept on ordering more. I have decided that when I go back (when being the key word), I will keep track of how many I can eat before realizing I have gone too far. Overall, besides the fact that I was in a crabby mood, it was a good time. Plus, I feel like it was an accomplishment to have two baskets of fries, 150 wings and drinks consumed in such a fine manner.

Not really writer's block

I have been pretty busy this week trying to get ready for the trip to Colorado next week while going on blind dates, lawnbowling, Bible study and general craziness. So, best case scenario is the 25th for the next blog.

Is it semantics?

I have become what I can only refer to as a teaching whore; I think the rest of the world refers to it as networking.

I work part-time in a retail store and see many customers each day. As someone who is desperate to have a teaching job, it is amazing how many people I have talked to in an attempt to get leads on jobs. My boss (her husband is in education) started it all. While talking to customers, who she has found out are teachers, she says, "Oh, Alli is a English teacher who is looking for a job. Are there any positions opening up at your school?" It sounds intrusive, but the way she does it is just so natural that it doesn't (anymore) seem weird at all. She probably knows half the town, and uses any contact she has in an attempt to get me an interview. The other day I had a question about following up on an interview. She picked up her phone, called her husband (who was in CA at the time), said, "Alli has a question," and handed me the phone.

My boss also told me about a regular customer who is doing a career change to education. Every time the customer comes in now we talk education, I rejoiced with her when I heard she passed her Praxis tests (I am hoping she will be a good contact in the future).

A teacher in the area comes to ship things for her school. I have had many conversations with her and her husband (a teacher at a school farther away) about upcoming positions at their respective schools.

Since it takes customers some time to fill out paperwork, I have become observant. I struck up a conversation the other day with a guy after seeing his school badge. Similarly, after swiping a customer's credit card (NEA issued), I asked her where she taught. Slightly taken aback at my impressive knowledge, she told me she was retired. We then talked about how hard of an area this is to get teaching jobs. She was kind enough to tell me to move somewhere else because it was basically hopeless to get a job with my certification in this area.

All this because I just struck up a conversation (NEA card again, though he was a dentist, his brother was the teacher) with someone who was a friend of a board member at my old school. He suggested I check out a school in the area once he heard of my background; he has a golfing buddy with the school and thinks they might be hiring. He also told me that he thought NEA stood for National Extortion Association, I chuckled.

Anyone who knows me, knows that besides the observation part, this is totally uncharacteristic of me. I hate networking and the whole concept of needing to know someone to get a job instead of being judged by one's own merit. Heck, I actually even dislike talking to people I don't know well, especially about something that I really want.

So, am I a whore or someone zealously pursuing networking connections to get a job?

Blind Date 101

I have a blind date on Tuesday. So, how do I be me, without being too much of me?

Warning Signs

I have decided that when you meet somebody, they should come with a sign. I feel this way about boys especially. For instance, possible signs

"I am dating someone."
"I am happily dating someone."
"I'll break your heart."
"I am a commitment freak."
"I drink too much."
"I am too young."
"I'll lie to you."
"I see you as a sister."
"Not interested."
"Interested, but shy."
"Wow, this is awkward."
"You're not my type."
"I'm not myself today."

It would make it so much easier. You would know automatically if the interesting and cute guy is also taken. The chief drawback I see with this is my own signage, "Warning: Highly neurotic. If still interested see attached bookcase for full reference."

10 Year Reunion

I just got an evite for my 10 year reunion. Only a school that graduated 69 would attempt an evite. I actually laughed because this is the second try at a reunion. The first reunion was going to be July 21st, and it was changed because (I assume) not many of us check the website under alumni relations to find out if we are having a reunion. I only heard about it when a friend sent me a message expressing her lack of enthusiasm for such a blessed gathering of old friends.

I mean have you ever heard of not sending invitations to a reunion? Other people who graduated from public schools had their invitations months ago. Plus, only like 30 names are on the list for the reunion as far as I could see. I know we had some marriages in our class, but come on. The funny thing is, I can think of at least 12 people with little effort who have a close connection with school in the last 3 years (sibling still attends school, family member works there, he or she worked there). There are 40% of the names on the list. Okay, I need to just breathe before I really get worked up at this asinine attempt at a reunion.

Inventory

We are currently counting inventory. Fun times. Counting thousands of parts just to make all of the changes in the computer. I don't know how a company manages to lose hundreds of things over the course of 6 months - although I did manage to lose two nalgenes last year. At least the days of counting orings are gone.

Fun Aunt Alli?

I have been an aunt now for over three years, Lucky is the cutest little beagle in the world, I would seriously take a bullet for her. I never thought I could love something so much. I hate the fact that she is halfway across the country; plus, she is so bad about e-mail and talking on the phone.

But now that I am going to be an aunt to a human, I just don't know if I could still be fun Aunt Alli. Lucky loved me for throwing toys, playing hide-and-go seek and tag, and all the time I spent with her. I won't be able to do that with a baby for years. So, am I doomed to just be Aunt Alli? Is there any way I can make it that babies don't hate me? These questions become more haunting as Jen is here, and I can see with my own eyes that she is pregnant. I guess I don't have to start stressing too much, I have until December. Besides, even after being gone from Lucky for 2 whole months (friends willingly allowed me to smother their dogs with affection to help me cope), she still greeted me like she loved me.