Last Post of the Day - I Promise

Okay, hopefully this will bring humor into your life. The following come from a continuing education catalog and had my mom and I laughing.

Cat Psychology 101
"... Learn the secrets of cat language and how you can communicate with your cat. Training tips and recreational activities will be demonstrated by an enthusiastic cat."

Yoga: Inhale! And Smell the Moment
Comment: Have you ever done yoga in a room full of other people? Do you know what yoga does to your body? Because if you did, I don't think you would be suggesting we inhale and smell the moment.

Bikini Boot Camp for 50+
(Bikini not required)

Interviewing is Hard Work

I really hate interviews. Today after interviewing I decided to run some errands. I learned a very important lessons today: don't go shopping after an interview, and don't go shopping in uncomfortable heels. First of all, interviews are a disappointment, and so when shopping after an interview, you really want to have a successful shopping experience. And although not shopping in uncomfy heels may seem like a simple idea, I hadn't learned it until today. Not only is there the discomfort of the heels and the desire to be successful, there is the justification one feels to buy new shoes because one's current shoes aren't comfy; I left the store with five new pairs of shoes. Quixotically, all but one pair are heels.

I need another language

I found myself 12 blocks from El Rey; I had to make the detour. My tummy is still nice and full from the food and horchata. And tonight, I think I am going to make salsa verde. But I feel like I should really brush up on my Spanish vocab . . . maybe then I would at least know if I should express shock at the guys walking behind me and talking . . . maybe today wasn't the best day to go considering my job interview attire. Oh well, at least I know what I am ordering most of the time.

I am horrible - maybe you are, too.

Okay, I was reading our local paper today and came across this article. It made me laugh. I know that makes me a bad person, but, come on, how is this not funny?
"We knew we were getting to the end when she didn't finish her peas," is my favorite line. But, the first paragraph is also impressive.

I Have No Willpower

Maybe a better title is that I have no willpower for certain things - like Pride and Prejudice. That movie is like crack to me. Every time I see it is going to be on (which is practically every other day on cable, multiple times a day), I tell myself I am not going to watch it again. And then, there I am, watching it. This presents MANY problems:

1) it makes me want to live in England again;

2) besides the initial suckage of time (last Saturday I switched between P & P and the Olympics so not as much time suckage as usual), every couple of times that I see parts of the newest P & P, I remember how much I like the old one and end up watching all five hours of it, and then contemplate watching Sense and Sensibility, Clueless, Emma, Bridget Jone's Diary, and Bride and Prejudice;

3) P & P gives me unrealistic expectations about all of the people that I meet - the ones that initially I like and the ones that I don't like initially;

4) P & P lures me into unrealistic expectations of life (although I have become really good at justifying the fact that everyone in Austen's books have servants, because don't we all - we have cars, dishwashers, washing machines, stores, etc.);

5) Seeing the promos for P & P makes me mad - who likes it when someone tells you major plot points of a movie or a book. I remember blacking out a major plot point on all 60 copies of The Scarlet Letter before handing them out to my students, I was so ticked that day!;

6) It makes me think that one of the sexiest/best scenes in film is the minutes surrounding the lake scene - how disturbing/odd is that;

7) I start to wonder how much they cut for commercials and if I should buy the newest P & P (my first copy was unfortunately crap - I guess that's what you get for buying it off of a cart in a back alley of Shanghai). Maybe by owning it, I wouldn't be sucked into watching it on tv;

8) I start thinking about how many people will use the excuse that they have seen the movie to justify not reading the book. This gets me really mad, especially in the case of the most recent P & P, since it leaves out major plot points. In regards to the BBC version, if you are going to watch 5 hours, just read the book!

9) And then I start thinking about casting and how Kate Winslet (yuck!) is in Sense and Sensibility, and I am sorry but Jennifer Ehle is Elizabeth Bennet, not Keira. And although I think the adaption is really good to put it in a current cultural context, it is weird to see Sayid from Lost as Bingley? And how do you go from directing Sense and Sensibility to Brokeback Mountain, Ang Lee?

I need to stop, I am getting just way too annoyed and fired up. Maybe Gweneth and Ewan can talk me down.

29, and I have a plan.

I am 29 years old now, and I have realized a couple of things:

1) I want a job that pays me to read. I think this is a job I could do and enjoy. Plus, I could read anywhere like on safari in Africa or India (reoccuring dreams). Also, I could like read a lot one week and then take a week off. Thus, I could potentially (Keep in mind this is my ideal job) have a schedule similar to the teaching schedule I love so much. So, if anyone knows of a job where I will be paid to read, send me the info. And, I know I have been reading the Shopaholic series, but I really can read all types of literature: mystery, pop lit, young adult lit, kid's lit, the classics, etc.

2) I have decided I want a boyfriend for football season. Now reason with me here. Fall is a great time to start dating because:
a) it is not nearly as romantic as spring when everything is in bloom, and,
b) it isn't plagued by a million weddings which add stress to a relationship.
c) football season is only a couple of months long, and anyone can endure me for a couple of months.
d) As to holidays, nobody really celebrates Sweetest Day; I already have plans for Thanksgiving since Jen, Mike and Derek are coming, so he would totally be off the hook; and, by Christmas or New Year's at the least, everything is so busy that we could just skip it or we could be broken up by that time since we have to be done by the end of football season (that would cross the horrendous Val's Day off the list of concerns, too), what's a few weeks early.
e) I wouldn't be stressed all football season for lack of having a boyfriend, I would have a whole new type of stress (see reason h);
f) I would actually be a girlfriend willing to watch football;
g) I bring assets to the table (I did mean the t, but the other is probably true, too);
h) I can pretend to not be a total psychopath, high-maintenance idiot for a couple of months at least (or at least hide it semi decently till playoff time when I need to start looking for a reason to break up, but realistically the real me will probably have started to leak out, so break-up ensured!).
I just don't see any problem with the boyfriend for football season plan. So, like above, if you know of an appropriate candidate, contact me.

3) I need to get my life together. I am freaking 29 years old. I should not be this big of a mess. I need to be a mature adult and productive member of society.

Phone Calls

Anyone with a baby will acknowledge that their lives have significantly changed. Even though I don't have a baby of my own, I have found one way my life has changed having a nephew.

The last couple of times I have talked to my sister have been pretty funny. The topics range from new teeth to doggie antics. My sister has no shortage of stories with the two doggies and little boy.

I usually know how the conversation is going to go based on what I hear in the background. If Derek is happy screaming, we will talk for a while with me repeatedly asking my sister what. If Derek is unhappy screaming, Jen and I will talk while she ever so often tells Derek, "You need to go to bed, monkey." If there is barking in the background, the topic will go to what the doggies are barking about. If my sister says, "Oh, this is just not right," I know that our conversation will soon be ending because Derek has an especially disgusting diaper. If Mike is talking to Jen in the background and laughing, he is probably trying to give another perspective on the conversation. And if Mike is repeated calling my sister, it isn't because he is trying to interrupt her call as much as he needs her help because he is bleeding,

Thus, when I call my sister, I never know what I am going to hear about, and when I hear nothing in the background, I start to worry until Jen tells me Derek is taking a nap.

Great Quotes

"It's interesting that the less I see him the more I like him" (Rutka 34).

I got this quote a while back when I was reading a book. It went into my list of things to blog about . . . an ever growing list since I have been a total slacker lately. It can back to the forefront when I recently ran into someone.

Anyways, ever so often I read something in a book, and it feels like I could have written it or at least it is something I can totally relate to. This is obviously one of those quotes. Looking back, I realize how many times this has been true of the various crushes I have had over the years. I remember thinking how great that person was when they weren't around, and then I can remember seeing that person again and wondering what I was thinking.

Is it really that absence makes the heart grow fonder or that absense makes one forget what the other person is really like. Maybe it is somewhere in between the trite saying and the cynical thought above. Either way, props to yet another writer who has capture my thoughts perfectly.